Friday, December 31, 2010
What's Going On: Trademarks of a Resilient Person
What's Going On: Trademarks of a Resilient Person: "Some people handle life's setbacks better than others. Life's best survivors are resilient, hardy, cope well with difficulties, and gain str..."
Trademarks of a Resilient Person
Some people handle life's setbacks better than others. Life's best survivors are resilient, hardy, cope well with difficulties, and gain strength from adversity.
Resilient older adults are accustomed to having things work out well. They feel optimistic and self-confident when coping with rough situations. They read new realities rapidly, adapt quickly, are psychologically flexible, tolerate ambiguity, use creative problem solving, understand others accurately, trust their intuition, and handle pressure with humor. The stronger their self-esteem and "life smarts," the less vulnerable they are to cons, threats, criticism, manipulators, and quackery.
Research into the psychology of aging shows that psychologically resilient adults cope well with an aging body. When they lose friends or loved ones they express their feelings in an open, healthy way.
Learning is the key to handling change. Resilient individuals get better and better every decade because they have a child-like curiosity, ask questions, explore, want to know how thing work, and learn valuable lessons in the school of life. Resilient adults are happy rather than hostile. They forgive instead of holding grudges, and are more playful than serious.
Work is very important to resilient adults. They are less likely to "retire" because they appreciate the benefits of doing important work. The life sequence for people who die after five or six decades is: schooling, then work, then leisure. People who live longer blend life-long learning with working and leisure.
Events experienced as stressful suppress immune system functions, thereby increasing vulnerability to diseases and illnesses. Resilient older adults are more stress resistant than their less resilient counterparts; they are less likely to experience frequent anger (either expressed or inhibited.) Their stress resistance comes in part from seeking and cultivating pleasant experiences. They enjoy many friendships and have good relationships with people of all ages.
Longevity research is showing that adults with psychological resiliency age more slowly, live longer, and enjoy better health. A strong inner spirit can carry an aging body a long ways.
Resiliency can be developed and increased at any age, but it can't be taught. A longevity program for developing psychological resiliency must avoid standard "training" methods. The program must be based on a developmental model that facilitates self-managed learning, individuation, and the actualization of inborn abilities.
Resilient older adults are accustomed to having things work out well. They feel optimistic and self-confident when coping with rough situations. They read new realities rapidly, adapt quickly, are psychologically flexible, tolerate ambiguity, use creative problem solving, understand others accurately, trust their intuition, and handle pressure with humor. The stronger their self-esteem and "life smarts," the less vulnerable they are to cons, threats, criticism, manipulators, and quackery.
Research into the psychology of aging shows that psychologically resilient adults cope well with an aging body. When they lose friends or loved ones they express their feelings in an open, healthy way.
Learning is the key to handling change. Resilient individuals get better and better every decade because they have a child-like curiosity, ask questions, explore, want to know how thing work, and learn valuable lessons in the school of life. Resilient adults are happy rather than hostile. They forgive instead of holding grudges, and are more playful than serious.
Work is very important to resilient adults. They are less likely to "retire" because they appreciate the benefits of doing important work. The life sequence for people who die after five or six decades is: schooling, then work, then leisure. People who live longer blend life-long learning with working and leisure.
Events experienced as stressful suppress immune system functions, thereby increasing vulnerability to diseases and illnesses. Resilient older adults are more stress resistant than their less resilient counterparts; they are less likely to experience frequent anger (either expressed or inhibited.) Their stress resistance comes in part from seeking and cultivating pleasant experiences. They enjoy many friendships and have good relationships with people of all ages.
Longevity research is showing that adults with psychological resiliency age more slowly, live longer, and enjoy better health. A strong inner spirit can carry an aging body a long ways.
Resiliency can be developed and increased at any age, but it can't be taught. A longevity program for developing psychological resiliency must avoid standard "training" methods. The program must be based on a developmental model that facilitates self-managed learning, individuation, and the actualization of inborn abilities.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
What's Going On: Take Charge
What's Going On: Take Charge: "Feel and embrace these feeling you are feeling right now during this Christmas Season. Keep this spirit of sharing and giving all year long...."
Take Charge
Feel and embrace these feeling you are feeling right now during this Christmas Season. Keep this spirit of sharing and giving all year long. Everyone please take notice, this world is in a world spin. We need the spirit to overtake all of this chaos. Don't get caught up in the trap of upheaval.
Peace
Peace
Sunday, December 12, 2010
What's Going On: Time Limits
What's Going On: Time Limits: "Some people are in our lives for a short period of time. Learn from each other. Tomorrow brings about change. Out with the old in with the ..."
Time Limits
Some people are in our lives for a short period of time. Learn from each other. Tomorrow brings about change. Out with the old in with the new.
Happiness to all of you.
Happiness to all of you.
What's Going On: Question to ask.
What's Going On: Question to ask.: "Why are so many people,afraid of the truth,and happy with lies? 'Go Figure' and return with an answer. Tell me something I don't know."
Question to ask.
Why are so many people,afraid of the truth,and happy with lies? "Go Figure" and return with an answer. Tell me something I don't know.
Monday, December 6, 2010
What's Going On: Great Message
What's Going On: Great Message: "I'd rather die on my feet,fighting for something I believe in,than live an eternity on my knees. Great Minds Discuss Ideas; Average Minds Di..."
Great Message
I'd rather die on my feet,fighting for something I believe in,than live an eternity on my knees.
Great Minds Discuss Ideas; Average Minds Discuss Events; Small Minds Discuss people. Tell me where do you stand.
Great Minds Discuss Ideas; Average Minds Discuss Events; Small Minds Discuss people. Tell me where do you stand.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
What's Going On: Being Insightful
What's Going On: Being Insightful: "The ability to see and understand clearly the nature of things with a clear mind takes skilled thinking and understanding,of life's challeng..."
Being Insightful
The ability to see and understand clearly the nature of things with a clear mind takes skilled thinking and understanding,of life's challenges. Being aware of one's own mental attitudes and behavior, allows us to clearly voice our opinions on how we want to be treated on, a daily occurrence. By being clear with our thoughts when expressing to others diminishes the chances of being miss understood,through our actions. Communication is the key toward all solutions.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
What's Going On: Someone Special
What's Going On: Someone Special: "We have the tendency,to seek out others to fulfill our needs,toward continuing a very special tradition; we’ve once shared with a loved one,..."
Someone Special
We have the tendency,to seek out others to fulfill our needs,toward continuing a very special tradition; we’ve once shared with a loved one,on someone new. You Cannot… Let the memories stay within you. Create another special bond,if you are up for the challenge. Go for it. Feeling good,is the key toward a long life.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
What's Going On: True Love
What's Going On: True Love: "Only an Aunt can hug like a mommy, keep secrets like a sister, and love like a friend. If you're an Aunt who loves her nieces and nephews,yo..."
True Love
Only an Aunt can hug like a mommy, keep secrets like a sister, and love like a friend. If you're an Aunt who loves her nieces and nephews,you are the best.!!!!
Monday, November 15, 2010
Nip It.
If you have to handle something on a real deal don't hesitate to deal with it. Nip it in the bud where it won't stick you ever again.
What's Going On: Potential Problems
What's Going On: Potential Problems: "Understanding is understanding. When you don't understand there is a potential for problems to occur."
Hand And Hand
Caring,sharing,knowledge,understanding,goes hand and hand. "Believe" and the world will open up to you.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
What's Going On: Self Absorbed
What's Going On: Self Absorbed: "What’s really going on? Today in many homes the first or second thing we do is check our e-mail. In addition, we even forget to check our o..."
Self Absorbed
What’s really going on?
Today in many homes the first or second thing we do is check our e-mail. In addition, we even forget to check our old school mailboxes for mail. For goodness sake even banking is done via an online portal. How about the good ol’ conversation with the neighborhood bank teller? Who does that these days? Face to face communications are far in between. Our communication levels are quickly diminishing do to the fact we no longer take the time to listen to real conversation. We’d rather listen and watch Youtube or other web content. Kids are adapting to messaging via the chalkboard on the fridge, or the text messaging from a parent already gone for work. Perhaps there are cases where Parents text their youngster to get up out of bed and get ready for school, or even “don’t forget to lock the door.” The forgotten message was, I prepared your breakfast; please make sure you eat before you leave the house. I love you. Texting back saying, I forgot to leave you lunch money.
We are in danger of losing real understanding of our needs and wants. When needs are not met we risk raising families, which harbors laziness and self-absorption. Test scores are falling far below normal. Incomplete homework assignments are turned in to teachers. Influences from cell phones, texting, online activities compete with school. Who has time for studying? It is time to put real effort and investment into our children’s education. Far too many people are sitting around doing nothing, waiting to be discovered. Education is the only way out. Please engage with your student. Sharing excellence is the key toward peace, tranquility, and freedom for all. Excelling to a higher level is not only for the privileged.
Today in many homes the first or second thing we do is check our e-mail. In addition, we even forget to check our old school mailboxes for mail. For goodness sake even banking is done via an online portal. How about the good ol’ conversation with the neighborhood bank teller? Who does that these days? Face to face communications are far in between. Our communication levels are quickly diminishing do to the fact we no longer take the time to listen to real conversation. We’d rather listen and watch Youtube or other web content. Kids are adapting to messaging via the chalkboard on the fridge, or the text messaging from a parent already gone for work. Perhaps there are cases where Parents text their youngster to get up out of bed and get ready for school, or even “don’t forget to lock the door.” The forgotten message was, I prepared your breakfast; please make sure you eat before you leave the house. I love you. Texting back saying, I forgot to leave you lunch money.
We are in danger of losing real understanding of our needs and wants. When needs are not met we risk raising families, which harbors laziness and self-absorption. Test scores are falling far below normal. Incomplete homework assignments are turned in to teachers. Influences from cell phones, texting, online activities compete with school. Who has time for studying? It is time to put real effort and investment into our children’s education. Far too many people are sitting around doing nothing, waiting to be discovered. Education is the only way out. Please engage with your student. Sharing excellence is the key toward peace, tranquility, and freedom for all. Excelling to a higher level is not only for the privileged.
What's Going On: Memories
What's Going On: Memories: "I think the only reason everyone holds on to memories so tightly is because memories are the only things that dont change while everything a..."
Memories
I think the only reason everyone holds on to memories so tightly is because memories are the only things that dont change while everything and everyone else does.
What's Going On: You
What's Going On: You: "Don't lash out,at people especially when,'YOU allow other to violate your space. Allowing access,to your emotions,can often times,make you r..."
You
Don't lash out,at people especially when,"YOU allow other to violate your space. Allowing access,to your emotions,can often times,make you reach so deep within,when you come up,for a breath of air you're speaking from another planet. Stay grounded and focused. Leaders lead. Followers follow. Where are you headed?
Sunday, November 7, 2010
You Are Being Watched.
Rear View Mirror
Images appear to be closer than they seem as your vehicle rear view mirror so well states on the glass. Pay close attention to your children, spouses, aunts, uncles. They are looking, following, and seeking validation yearning for your attention. Have you noticed anyone lately?
Images appear to be closer than they seem as your vehicle rear view mirror so well states on the glass. Pay close attention to your children, spouses, aunts, uncles. They are looking, following, and seeking validation yearning for your attention. Have you noticed anyone lately?
Saturday, November 6, 2010
What's Going On: Experiences.
What's Going On: Experiences.: "Everyone experience happiness in many different way's. My way and your way. Do whatever in life that fulfills 'YOUR' dreams. We only have o..."
Experiences.
Everyone experience happiness in many different way's. My way and your way. Do whatever in life that fulfills "YOUR" dreams. We only have one chance of a life time to get it right and be happy.
Your Destiny
Other peoples opinions,don't count when you are in control. Handle your business or someone else will try to control your destiny.
What's Going On: Stay Focused
What's Going On: Stay Focused: "Concentrate,on you and nobody but you. Walk with your head clearly toward the direction you're headed. Stay away from the dumb conversations..."
Stay Focused
Concentrate,on you and nobody but you. Walk with your head clearly toward the direction you're headed. Stay away from the dumb conversations. Stupid stuff makes "YOU" dumb and prone to repete stupid answers. Rise above, Rise above.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Lead do not follow.
Don't look to others to lead. Follow this sound thought. A shout out was put out to all role models,"Please apply". No replies. Do not look to others to be "Your" role model. Someone is always looking at you to lead. Be the leader and not the follower. To be continued.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
What's Going On: Freedom
What's Going On: Freedom: "Everyone in this world counts. We should start acting like team players. Are you willing to harvest and/or catch your own food? If your ans..."
Freedom
Everyone in this world counts. We should start acting like team players. Are you willing to harvest and/or catch your own food? If your answer is no,appreciate your fellow man or woman.
What's Going On: You are who you are.
What's Going On: You are who you are.: "If you look in the mirror, and don't like what you see, make a change."
Thursday, October 28, 2010
What's Going On: The Time Is Now
What's Going On: The Time Is Now: "As we gain wisdom, a sense of calm dwells within our souls. It is true with the saying don't worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care o..."
The Time Is Now
As we gain wisdom, a sense of calm dwells within our souls. It is true with the saying don't worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Live for today, tomorrow is not promised. Being able to understand how life works brings about maturity with the understanding that everyone is human and we all make mistakes. It is now our time to make a difference in how our lives will un fold when it is time for our story to be told. Let's make a difference and be instrumental to our families. We can leave a positive image of who we truly are without the influences of someone else pulling our strings. Let us dangle our own thread. We will the walk and talk the talk In such a way no one can ever duplicate. History in the making I say.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
What's Going On: Reacting
What's Going On: Reacting: "Knowing what's going on,does not mean you have to act,or react to every situation."
Saturday, October 9, 2010
What's Going On: People are like Books
What's Going On: People are like Books: " When you decide to read,we often select the books we want to eventually display in our personal libraries. A book may tell a story about o..."
What's Going On: Looking forward is the best lesson in life. Rememb...
What's Going On: Looking forward is the best lesson in life. Rememb...: "Looking forward is the best lesson in life. Remember when Jesus told Lot's wife not to look back or you will be turned into a pillar of salt..."
What's Going On: It is our duty in everything we do...to do our be...
What's Going On: It is our duty in everything we do...to do our be...: " It is our duty in everything we do...to do our best with what we have, no excuses, no complaints...as for people who spend there time with ..."
It Really Matters.
When you stay within your FLOW you will always remain focused. Staying in your lane will allow you to have a flowing feeling of complete joy and satisfaction about where your life is headed. Fixate your eyes on the prize. Keeping your head in the game is the real deal.
Monday, October 4, 2010
It is our duty in everything we do...to do our best with what we have, no excuses, no complaints...as for people who spend there time with hate in their heart, you can still choose to love and I promise you you'll find patience, harmony and gratitude. Hate is a waste of good productive energy..life have so much is store for you. LETS help reshape our haters into lovers
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Saturday, August 21, 2010
What's Going On: Bondage By Lies.
What's Going On: Bondage By Lies.: "Are you the type to gossip, tell lies. Lies are ment to destroy, to hurt, not to be true, evil, 'MOST of all it shows no loyalty. Is this a ..."
Bondage By Lies.
Are you the type to gossip, tell lies. Lies are ment to destroy, to hurt, not to be true, evil, "MOST of all it shows no loyalty. Is this a charater trait you want following you? If "YOU" are guilty of these things, life have a way of making sure it will come back and bite you in a way you won't believe what happend to YOU... The MORAL of this note. Do unto others as you want them to do to you. We have heard this saying over and over, why do "PEOPLE" continue to go down that road? I call it living in "BONDAGE" A feeling of being heavily weighed down in mind or body. You have power over your tongue. Control yourselves before someone gets hurt.
 |
| Stop The Madness |
Monday, August 9, 2010
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Everyone Counts
Two sides of every coin have a story. Keeping secrets not only protect the guilty it also punishes the innocent.
Monday, June 21, 2010
People
How To Deal With Difficult People
We have all met people who are so prickly and difficult that no one wants to handle them. In most situations walking away is an option, and you escape with no more than ruffled feathers. But some situations are inescapable. You can wait until the thorny personality is gone and moan “He’s just impossible” to a friend. Far better, though, to begin to develop skills in practical psychology.
First, take responsibility for your part of the interaction. Animosity is created in your own heart. Even the most impossible person had a mother. She was loved by somebody. If you can deal with your own reaction and take responsibility for it, no step is more productive. Detachment is always the best response, because if you can interact without having a reaction, you will be clear-headed enough to make progress in relating to this difficult person.
Next, try to name what specifically causes the difficulty. Is the person clinging, controlling, competitive? We all tend to use descriptive words loosely, but it helps to know exactly what is going on.
– Clinging types want to be taken care of and loved. They feel weak and are attracted to stronger people. If desperate, they will cling to anyone.
– Controlling types have to be right. There is always an excuse for their behavior (however brutal) and always a reason to blame others. Controlling people are perfectionists and micro-managers. Their capacity to criticize others is endless.
– Competitive types have to win. They see all encounters, no matter how trivial, as a contest. Until they win, they won’t let go.
Having identified the type you are dealing with, don’t do what doesn’t work:
– Clinging types cannot be handled with avoidance. They are like Velcro and will stick to you every time you get close. They ignore a polite no, but you can’t use direct rejection without making an enemy. Neutrality hurts their feelings and makes them feel insecure.
– Controlling types won’t back down if you show them concrete evidence that you are right and they are wrong. They don’t care about facts, only about being right. If they are perfectionists, you can’t handle them simply by doing a better job. There’s always going to be something to criticize.
– Competitive types can’t be pacified by pleading. Any sign of emotion is like a red flag to a bull. They take your tears as a sign of weakness and charge even harder. They want to go in for the kill, even when you beg them not to. If you stand your ground and try to win, they will most likely jump ship and abandon you.
Since these behaviors don’t work, what does?
– Clinging types can be handled by showing them how to deal with situations on their own. Give them responsibility. Instead of doing what they want, show them how to do it. This works with children, and clinging types are children who have never grown up (which is why they often seem so infantile). If they try the gambit of saying that you do the job so much better, reply that you don’t. The stronger and more capable you act, the more they will cling. Finally, find situations where you can honestly say, “I need your help.” Either they will come through or walk away. You will probably be happy either way.
– Controlling types can be handled by acting unintimidated. At heart, controlling types fear that they are inadequate, and they defend against their own insecurity by making other people feel insecure and not good enough. Show that you are good enough. When you do a good job, say so and don’t fall for their insistence on constant changes. Be strong and stand up for yourself. Above all, don’t turn an encounter into a contest of who’s right and who’s wrong — you’ll never outplay a controlling type at their own game.
– Competitive types are handled by letting them win. Until they win, they won’t have a chance to show generosity. Most competitive types want to be generous; it improves their self-image, and competitive types never lose sight of their self-image. If you have a strong disagreement, never show emotion or ask for mercy. Instead, make a reasonable argument. If the discussion is based on facts, competitive types have a way to back down without losing. (For example, instead of saying “I’m too tired to do this. It’s late, and you’re being unfair,” say “I need more research time on this, and I will get it to you faster if I am fresh in the morning.”)
There are times when you cannot handle difficult people and must distance yourself. But even this isn’t black and white.
– Self-important people: Let them have their say. You can’t shut them up. Mostly you can ignore their contribution, however. They tend to forget what they said very quickly. If they domineer to the point of suffocating you, stay away. The best strategy, the one used by those who actually love such types and marry them — is to sit back and enjoy the show.
– Chronic complainers: These people are bitter and angry but haven’t dealt with the reality that the source of their anger is internal. Your only option is generally to put up with them and stay away when you can. Don’t agree with their complaints or try to placate them. They have endless fuel for their bitterness and simmering rage.
– Victims: These people are passive aggressive. They get away with doing wrong to you by hurting themselves into the bargain. If they arrive half an hour late at a restaurant, for example, they had something bad happen to hold them up. The fact that you are the target of the inconvenience is never acknowledged. The best tactic is to get as angry as you normally would, if called for. Don’t take their victimization as an excuse. If the victim is a “poor me” type without the passive aggression side, offer realistic, practical help rather than sympathy. (For example, if they announce that they might lose their job, say “I can loan you money and give you some job leads,” instead of “That’s awful. You must feel terrible.”)
In the short run, most of the everyday difficult types want somebody to listen and not judge. If you can do that without getting involved, lending your ear for a while is also the decent thing to do. Being a good listener means not arguing, criticizing, offering your own opinion, or interrupting. If the other person has a genuine interest in you — most difficult people don’t — they will invite you to talk and not simply listen. Yet being a good listener has its limits. As soon as you feel taken advantage of, start exiting. The bottom line with practical psychology is that you know what to fix, what to put up with, and what to walk away from.
We have all met people who are so prickly and difficult that no one wants to handle them. In most situations walking away is an option, and you escape with no more than ruffled feathers. But some situations are inescapable. You can wait until the thorny personality is gone and moan “He’s just impossible” to a friend. Far better, though, to begin to develop skills in practical psychology.
First, take responsibility for your part of the interaction. Animosity is created in your own heart. Even the most impossible person had a mother. She was loved by somebody. If you can deal with your own reaction and take responsibility for it, no step is more productive. Detachment is always the best response, because if you can interact without having a reaction, you will be clear-headed enough to make progress in relating to this difficult person.
Next, try to name what specifically causes the difficulty. Is the person clinging, controlling, competitive? We all tend to use descriptive words loosely, but it helps to know exactly what is going on.
– Clinging types want to be taken care of and loved. They feel weak and are attracted to stronger people. If desperate, they will cling to anyone.
– Controlling types have to be right. There is always an excuse for their behavior (however brutal) and always a reason to blame others. Controlling people are perfectionists and micro-managers. Their capacity to criticize others is endless.
– Competitive types have to win. They see all encounters, no matter how trivial, as a contest. Until they win, they won’t let go.
Having identified the type you are dealing with, don’t do what doesn’t work:
– Clinging types cannot be handled with avoidance. They are like Velcro and will stick to you every time you get close. They ignore a polite no, but you can’t use direct rejection without making an enemy. Neutrality hurts their feelings and makes them feel insecure.
– Controlling types won’t back down if you show them concrete evidence that you are right and they are wrong. They don’t care about facts, only about being right. If they are perfectionists, you can’t handle them simply by doing a better job. There’s always going to be something to criticize.
– Competitive types can’t be pacified by pleading. Any sign of emotion is like a red flag to a bull. They take your tears as a sign of weakness and charge even harder. They want to go in for the kill, even when you beg them not to. If you stand your ground and try to win, they will most likely jump ship and abandon you.
Since these behaviors don’t work, what does?
– Clinging types can be handled by showing them how to deal with situations on their own. Give them responsibility. Instead of doing what they want, show them how to do it. This works with children, and clinging types are children who have never grown up (which is why they often seem so infantile). If they try the gambit of saying that you do the job so much better, reply that you don’t. The stronger and more capable you act, the more they will cling. Finally, find situations where you can honestly say, “I need your help.” Either they will come through or walk away. You will probably be happy either way.
– Controlling types can be handled by acting unintimidated. At heart, controlling types fear that they are inadequate, and they defend against their own insecurity by making other people feel insecure and not good enough. Show that you are good enough. When you do a good job, say so and don’t fall for their insistence on constant changes. Be strong and stand up for yourself. Above all, don’t turn an encounter into a contest of who’s right and who’s wrong — you’ll never outplay a controlling type at their own game.
– Competitive types are handled by letting them win. Until they win, they won’t have a chance to show generosity. Most competitive types want to be generous; it improves their self-image, and competitive types never lose sight of their self-image. If you have a strong disagreement, never show emotion or ask for mercy. Instead, make a reasonable argument. If the discussion is based on facts, competitive types have a way to back down without losing. (For example, instead of saying “I’m too tired to do this. It’s late, and you’re being unfair,” say “I need more research time on this, and I will get it to you faster if I am fresh in the morning.”)
There are times when you cannot handle difficult people and must distance yourself. But even this isn’t black and white.
– Self-important people: Let them have their say. You can’t shut them up. Mostly you can ignore their contribution, however. They tend to forget what they said very quickly. If they domineer to the point of suffocating you, stay away. The best strategy, the one used by those who actually love such types and marry them — is to sit back and enjoy the show.
– Chronic complainers: These people are bitter and angry but haven’t dealt with the reality that the source of their anger is internal. Your only option is generally to put up with them and stay away when you can. Don’t agree with their complaints or try to placate them. They have endless fuel for their bitterness and simmering rage.
– Victims: These people are passive aggressive. They get away with doing wrong to you by hurting themselves into the bargain. If they arrive half an hour late at a restaurant, for example, they had something bad happen to hold them up. The fact that you are the target of the inconvenience is never acknowledged. The best tactic is to get as angry as you normally would, if called for. Don’t take their victimization as an excuse. If the victim is a “poor me” type without the passive aggression side, offer realistic, practical help rather than sympathy. (For example, if they announce that they might lose their job, say “I can loan you money and give you some job leads,” instead of “That’s awful. You must feel terrible.”)
In the short run, most of the everyday difficult types want somebody to listen and not judge. If you can do that without getting involved, lending your ear for a while is also the decent thing to do. Being a good listener means not arguing, criticizing, offering your own opinion, or interrupting. If the other person has a genuine interest in you — most difficult people don’t — they will invite you to talk and not simply listen. Yet being a good listener has its limits. As soon as you feel taken advantage of, start exiting. The bottom line with practical psychology is that you know what to fix, what to put up with, and what to walk away from.
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